“The Bridges I Burn Will Light My Way Home” by DieselDemon (https://www.flickr.com/photos/28096801@N05/) Creative Commons License
It’s a little strange to look back on a blog you haven’t written for in a couple of years. It’s not that I haven’t started a few posts since the Spring of 2014. There are about half a dozen posts I’ve started and never finish. At least a couple got through a first draft at least, but I have to admit, I’ve felt like someone being completely re-made for the past three years and I’m pretty sure I’m not done.
The fact is, I believe God started bringing me to a point that Summer that I didn’t expect. The season that started that year has led to almost non-stop upheaval for our whole family.
Since that point, among other things, the following has happened:
- After 10 years, moved out of the house Anna and I bought 1 year into our marriage – the only house Levi had ever known.
- About 18 months later, we had renewed our foster care license after a lapse of 5 years.
- God pointed us to a much larger house in order to hold those kids, and we’ve had 3 come through since, 2 of which are still with us.
- I’ve Learned how different each child really is and how much strain it can put on your whole family to open your home to foster care that isn’t necessarily leading to adoption.
- I’ve completely stepped out of official leadership role in our church, which, other than a 2 year hiatus about 11 years ago, I’ve been in almost constantly, mostly with the worship team.
- I left a job that turned really sour and I’ve had to learn that work / life balance is a constant balancing act and I’m still capable of having my time boundaries tested, if not trampled upon.
- I’ve been exploring and growing in other spiritual disciplines, including prayer and fasting.
- God has reshaped my perspective on my wife and kids and pointed out some areas where I could really grow in love for them.
- I’ve figured out that I can write some good songs, but the space to keep that practice up is very hard to come by, and comes tied with a lot of deep fear on my part.
In this time, I’ve discovered my identity hasn’t been as solid as I thought, and honestly, that’s really okay with me. I never thought I could be as okay with being not okay as I’ve apparently become. It’s brought more honesty, perspective, God’s “all-consuming fire” (to borrow the sense of the term from George MacDonald). Mainly because of being foster parents, but also because of other life circumstances, I expect to continue to be in this spot for a while.
So here I am, starting over, hopefully with more mature and useful thoughts to share about worship, on and off the stage. I hope it’s worth your time.
