Getting what I always wanted

GiftboxWhen I was a young worship leader and a very new musician, I think I had this picture in my head of my ideal band. I knew from the first time I was given a bass and was able to play it competently that I was gifted. The truth is, I also probably had an unreasonably high opinion of my own abilities.

On the other hand, I also genuinely loved to worship. For me, there was an ideal of awesome, intimate worship with close friends with whom I could grow musically.

The reality hasn’t really turned out that way. My dreams, at this point, haven’t really come true.

Or maybe they have.

I remember C.S. Lewis, in one of his writings – maybe more than one – saying that God giving us the desires of our heart doesn’t mean that we get what we want on the surface, but we do get what we really wanted all along, in the deepest, truest part of our hearts.

That’s what I’ve found in leading worship. Don’t get me wrong – I’ve gotten to play with some very gifted people over the years and I’ve had plenty of fun, but there has also been plenty of adjustment, either in not being able to play with musicians as skilled as I’d like, or, more often, with musicians as good as or better than me who don’t necessarily share my musical tastes or vision. The gift, for me, has started to come to fruition mainly by learning to share the platform. A few months back I started really taking some risks in letting other team members lead songs. It turns out our team members have a lot more to share than I might have given them credit for in the past, and even the ones who have some growing to do have risen to the occasion and doing an outstanding job.

I don’t want to oversell the point though. I still have a long way to go. I can still be a pain to work with as a leader. I can still be arrogant and demanding and all about “my vision” as a worship leader, but I’ve at least gotten started I think.

The moral of the story is, I really wanted to be a good worship leader more than I wanted to be an awesome musician, and in the end, I think I’m actually a better musician for it too.

My question for you is, do you feel the same? Do you feel like God has adjusted your dreams? Or maybe he’s just been asking you to give up what you think you want for what you really want?